JUST ONCE MORE

Agony claims my mind. I remember the day I first came here, wrapped in loneliness and self-loathing.
Overwhelmed by the darkness of grief, I hoped for a ray of sympathy, but was rewarded only with blank and ‘not bothered’ glances from my counterparts.
Their once beautiful and strong bodies as mangled as mine.

I was garlanded with a number and lead to a room, which had a plate on it reading, ‘Traffic fatalities’.

I still remember the beautiful day I died. Sunlight filtered through the unfurling curtain of green leaves above, showering its blessings on me.
I was least interested.

How I wish I had taken the bus. But of course, I was too cool for the bus.
I remember how I sneaked away my dad’s car keys and wheeled the Echo along the drive in utter delight.
“All kids drive, why not me?”
Overwhelmed by victory and the excitement of driving a car and being my own boss, I felt like the most carefree butterfly on its most erratic flight.
I was goofing off, going too fast, taking chances.

But hell! I was having fun!!

The last thing I my mind can recollect from memories of that lost world was passing an old lady who seemed to be frozen on the street.
I heard a crash and felt a terrific jolt.
Glass and steel rained and stormed on me.
I felt my body turn inside out.
I heard myself scream.

Suddenly, I awakened.
Silence mastered my surroundings.
I saw the cops over my head. A doctor shook his head sorrowfully beside me.
My body was hardly a body anymore.
Drenched in blood, embedded with glass.
Hey don’t pull that sheet over my head!
I can’t be dead…
I’m only seventeen…
I have a date tonight! I am supposed to have a wonderful life ahead. I haven’t lived yet!
I can’t be dead!
In spite of all the silent rebelling, I was placed in a drawer. My folks came to identify me. Why did I have to look at mom’s eyes when she encountered the most terrible ordeal of her life?
Dad suddenly looked very old. I had never seen him cry before.
“Yes, he’s our son.”

The funeral was weird. My friends and relatives sobbed and floated towards the grave. Some of my buddies were crying. My girl friend touched my face and closed her eyes as she sobbed.
Please! I can’t take it anymore... somebody wake me up! Get me out of here. I can’t see my loved ones in so much of pain. My siblings are walking like zombies. Why don’t they fight me anymore? Why doesn’t mom shout any more? Why doesn’t dad get angry anymore?

I want to feel the sun through the trees, the rain slapping me lovingly. A party with my friends. A date with my girl. I want to pull the strings of my guitar once more. I want to feed the swans in the lake, once more. I want to be punished by the principal once more. I want to run, I want to laugh, I want to cry… once more.
Please God!
Once more.
I promise I’ll be the most careful driver on earth.
I’m only seventeen…
God, just one more chance…
Just once more…